Saturday, June 6, 2015

Reporting Sexual Harassment Backfires on Women

Sexual harassment usually backfires on the woman who reports it in the workplace.  That's the truth.

There are many stories about this happening.  I personally have worked in businesses where this happened.  Whether the man was fired or not, the women who reported sexual harassment were seen as a problem.

Thirty years ago, I was sexually harassed in the workplace.  The man was one of my direct bosses, he told me to go into a private room to do some work for him and once inside the room, he closed the door, he grabbed me, shoved his tongue into my mouth, and held me tight against his body.  Only when someone opened the door and tried to walk into the room was I able to escape.  He continued to call me on my work phone every day and suggest sexual things he'd like to do to me.  I was a paid intern at the time.  I told a superior about it who told me not to report it because the last woman who reported it was eventually fired.  This guy had a habit of doing this to women and although he had a track record for sexually harassing women, he had not been warned or fired.  Instead, he was promoted.  I tried to keep my distance from this man at work until I could find a job elsewhere. I never reported it and I got on with my life.

Over the last ten years, I've known people who claimed they were sexually harassed.  Not only did they get the men who were accused fired, but weeks or months later, those same women were also fired.

What if someone is innocent of sexual harassment but someone simply wants that person gone? Well, it happens.  It's an easy way to get rid of a problem.  Find one woman in the workplace who claims sexual harassment and that's an effective way to fire someone.  But it's also a way to ruin someone's lifetime career for no reason at all.  There are simply more honest ways to fire someone. Reorganize the company or call the employee in and explain why you need a new team in place. New management oftentimes creates this kind of drama just to have their own team rather than the old team of employees they inherited from previous management.

I've worked in places where people were accused of sexual harassment and after a thorough investigation, Human Resources determined it was not sexual harassment.  The women who made those accusations were eventually let go from the company.  I've never heard about those women again.  Was it hard for those women to find another job?  Who would ever give them a positive recommendation to find another job?  The company didn't pay them off, they just lost their jobs and went to the unemployment line, while wondering, what happened? 

Over the years, I know several men personally who were wrongly accused, lost their jobs, their livelihoods and their retirement.  It was politics at play, not the truth.  Management had to search for one person to say something off-color.  It only takes one woman's word against a man if management wants you gone.  That's the truth.  But the ramifications for that woman's career are long and dark. She has no idea how she's being used by management to get rid of someone.  But eventually, she'll be gone, too.  I've seen it happen several times.

The world has changed.  Since most allegations are made against men in the workplace, men need to be careful of what they say, what they do and how they treat women.  Nearly anything a man says to a woman about anything other than work can be perceived as sexual harassment in the workplace. Telling a woman that she looks pretty can be perceived as sexual harassment in the workplace.  It doesn't have to be overt.  For heaven's sake, I was recently called a "Hot Mama" by an employee at a funeral home.  Did I report it?  No.  I just moved on and conducted the funeral service.

If you're going to report someone for sexual harassment, make absolutely sure that you want to be responsible for the results.  You will be ruining someone else's career.  You will be ruining another person's livelihood and their ability to provide for their family and children.  And you will be held accountable for being "a problem" in the workplace which will affect your future job security. Whatever you report about another employee will go into your own employee file.  Most of these cases never see a courtroom.  But they affect lives long-term for both the person being reported and the reporter of sexual harassment.

I'm not saying not to report sexual harassment if it's physically threatening or constant verbal abuse, but we all know the difference between a single comment, a joke, someone groping you or constant sexual harassment.  Be very careful what you report to your superiors because the lifelong karma of ruining someone else's life and asking for them to be fired is a serious issue.  

The choice is yours to report it... or if it's truly serious enough, find another job.  No one should be fired on a whim because tomorrow you could regret your actions.  Meanwhile, your co-workers will now judge you if they deem the accusation was inaccurate.  Do you really want to turn your entire work environment against you?  Even though management says these stories are under lock and key, word travels very quickly when someone is fired for sexual harassment.  And those allegations can follow someone for a lifetime - both the person being reported and whomever reports it.

Some women feel it will result in them being promoted, but the opposite is true. Instead, the future of their career will see long-term affects of whatever they report.  Look at the statistics and then get back to me.  Retaliation is real and reporting a borderline case may backfire.  

Be smart in the workplace.  Do your job to the best of your ability, respect everyone and be kind... and then go home.  Repeat.  It's as simple as that.  Don't share your private life.  Don't share news of your divorce.  Don't over-share your life.  Don't make a phone call over your supervisor's head.  Don't stray from procedure.  Don't even friend everyone on Facebook.  Seriously, it matters.  Anything you say, do or report can be held against you... good luck.

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